Echoing what Lara said, I have to apologize for not posting for a while. The last post on the site was in January, while the last post I wrote was in…uh…wait a second, let me check the logs here…
Holy crap, I haven’t written a post in almost a YEAR? Don’t I love my kids? Didn’t I say to Lara that we were in this together? What kind of father lets this happen?
In my defense—what defense there is—there were several extenuating circumstances. Around June of last year was when the Fayetteville Job Search kicked into high gear again. That was also the point when my boss left at my job in Chicago, and my work life descended into a Charybdis of confusion and stress. Most moments between June and October (which was when I accepted the job I have now) dealt with one of those two issues. Then came the move, then starting the new job, then figuring out the new job, then looking for a new place to live, then buying a freakin’ house.
Then again, Lara was going through all of the same stuff and still managed to keep the site afloat. So maybe it was less about the external factors and more about the internal ones. Like the fact that I tend to be lazy, for example.
Or my belief that every post should start off with a picture. This is not as challenging when you’re the photographer in the family, and you have two beautiful subjects. Not that it doesn’t take a great deal of skill in addition to a kick-ass camera; I sit down every day and thank Oz the All-Powerful for having such a talented wife. But when you don’t know an F-stop from F. Murray Abraham, you end up having to trawl Google Image Search for your visual glitz and hope you find something related to your subject that isn’t going to get you sued. Sometimes you don’t. Exhibit A: Why a search for “deadbeat dad” would come up with Guy Smiley is a mystery to me.
But when it comes down to it, the main problem is that I’m a bit, uh, obsessive as a writer. I tend to revise and revise and revise and revise. I want every word to be perfect, especially when it’s about something as important to me as my kids. I want to capture each moment and put it under glass for all time so that Jack and Emme can read about their history in detail. And so that Lara and I can remember every second as it happened, which seems to get harder and harder to do (we tend to look at photos or videos every now and then and marvel and sob how we can’t remember what they were like twelve months ago—or even six). So in the past I didn’t have nearly as many posts because they took so much longer to generate. I felt guilty that Lara was carrying the site by creating great pieces (and pictures on top of it) in a tenth of the time, but I just felt that my freeform writing wasn’t good enough.
No longer. It’s time to start living up to my responsibilities. If that means I don’t get to agonize on how to conjugate a verb, so be it. This post took about 30 minutes to write, which is a land speed record for me. It’s outside my comfort zone, but I owe it to my kids.
Who I will actually write about next time.