I always knew better times were ahead.

I bought this outfit at the Baby Gap that we passed every day on our way home from the NICU in December. It was December 26th, and my brother, sister-in-law and nieces and nephew had just left to head back to Arkansas and Justin and I were alone again. It was freezing cold, there was dirty snow on the ground, and the twins had had a particularly bad day — I can’t remember specifically what had happened, but maybe Emme hadn’t been able to keep her food down that day or Jack’s jaundice numbers had risen…something along that line. We were driving home in glum silence when we passed the Baby Gap, and I asked Justin to pull over and let me go in. He was tired, and sad, and hungry, and just wanted to go home, but he sweetly complied. They were having a big after-Christmas sale and I browsed for about thirty minutes. The clothes seemed impossibly large. At this point, the babies were swimming in their preemie clothes. Even the smallest sizes at the Gap were ridiculously large for the twins. I bought about $50 worth of clothes anyway, planning to put them away for later. Buying these clothes made me feel so much better: an acknowledgement that the twins would be coming home with us eventually, that they would be growing larger, that they were our children and didn’t belong to the hospital.

I pulled this out of the back of the closet today and realized, with a start, that it was the size that Emme is wearing right now. When I put it on, I had to really work to get the button at the neck buttoned: her chubby little neck is really too big for this outfit. She won’t be able to wear it more than once. That this outfit, that looked so big it was hard to imagine that Emme would ever be able to wear it, is now too small for her — well, it makes me pretty happy. Pretty happy indeed.

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